Tired of Hurting, Tired of Talking

Do you ever feel just plain tired of hurting? I do. I grow weary over my eyes not feeling normal. Living with dry eyes day in and day out can wear on a person. I don’t want this to be a rant, but sometimes I just need to vent – I don’t understand why I have to keep feeling this way.

Numerous health challenges

Over the past few months, as of my writing this, I’ve experienced several other health challenges as well. And for some reason, my eye pain seems to be exacerbated and magnified when I am sick or hurting in some other area.

Not long ago, I had COVID, I hurt my back, I had severe tooth pain that has led to a root canal, and I experienced constant tingling and numbness in my arms and hands. Just as I get over one health struggle, another one seems to pop up.

Like I said, these other ailments make my eyes feel worse as well. I don’t know why that is, but it all makes me wish I could go even a day without having to deal with some health problem. And I wonder if some of my issues might be connected to some larger issue.

Tired of my dry eyes

What’s more, other times I get tired of talking about hurting. I get tired of talking about my dry eyes, and I worry that friends get tired of hearing about them. They ask how my eyes are feeling, and I disappointingly answer them, “Not completely well ... better, but not better.” I wonder if that will be my answer for the rest of my life. What are people supposed to say in response, especially when my response is always the same? I just wish that I could tell them that my eyes are healed.

I ask a friend about a broken bone, and she tells me how long she will be in a cast and how long physical therapy will take. Then she heals and moves on. That’s not so with a chronic condition like dry eyes.

Conflicting thoughts

So what should my answer be when a person asks how my eyes are? I ponder whether I should stop talking about hurting and learn to live with my eyes as though they are normal. I even struggle to talk with my family sometimes about new issues that develop.

I don’t want them to know me just by my health issues. I don’t want my kids to remember me as someone who was always sick. That’s not what I want to be the focus of our relationship. Still, I know they care about me and want to know how I am feeling. These thoughts feel conflicting.

Highs and lows

As I chew on these feelings, I am reminded that, despite my health challenges, I am blessed in many ways. And though my life with a chronic condition looks different, I can still find joy in each day.

Dry eye manifests itself in different ways, both physically and emotionally. And my good days and bad days are two-fold as well, with both physical and emotional highs and lows.